18 December 2007

oddly reticent

Maybe it's the reaction of the couple of people I've told, or maybe it's yet another case of jitters on my part ... but I'm feeling oddly reticent to admit that I got some big news from the GYN at today's checkup. I suppose I'm scared of jinxing the situation.

The good news:
At today's appointment, Dr. Schmitz found Arden's head all-but-engaged in my pelvis, which is very good. And I'm just shy of 2 cm dilation, which is also very good. Not good enough to check me in the hospital today, but good enough to make an appointment on the delivery ward for first thing Thursday morning. They'll check if I'm further dilated and will apply hormonal gel to my cervix to give Mother Nature a nudge in the right direction ... which will hopefully result in meeting Arden face-to-face by the end of the day.

The potential downside:
If the hospital is all booked up, we'll lose our appointment and have to wait for an opening. And there is the chance that the gel will have absolutely no effect and we'll be sent home after a few hours. But the doctor feels that the chances are very good that this will be just the gentle nudge that my body needs. I have had contractions off and on the past few days, but they fade away - I've had difficulty maintaining contractions during all but Rowen's birth ... I guess my body likes being pregnant. LOL.

The emotional weirdness:
It's all kind of huge suddenly and I am having the weirdest thoughts - like 'what if he doesn't like me?' Niek was comparing it to how you feel when you're in a losing position in chess and suddenly have the advantage on the board. I'll have to admit that his metaphor sailed right over my head, but apparently he's also feeling kind of strange. I'm not scared of the birth - after three children, that part doesn't phase me in the slightest - it's more a matter of grasping the reality of it after all the ups and downs we've had during the past months. Can this really be the happy ending (or beginning, to be more accurate) we've hoped for???

10 comments:

Chiloe said...

Yes it can be the begining you are hoping and waiting for ! You need to concentrate on that. I just saw another report on how the baby feel when you talk to him mentally and with your voice. So he probably knows already you are really all waiting for him. Tell him he needs to be here for christmas ;-)

This is exciting news !!! I keep my fingers crossed and send positive thoughts! YOu know we will all think about you and that you will be surrounded by all our positive thoughts ;-)Once Arden will be here, you will feel better knowing he's safe in your arms!!!

(((hugs)))

Jenna said...

I was going to write and ask how the appointment went. It all sounds good. I'll be hoping for some newborn photos by the end of the week. :)

Isabelle said...

((((Barbara))))

Just sending lots of hugs your way! I am so excited and moved for you, my friend.

Cathy B said...

Oh Barbara! I can hardly wait to hear the good news. I'll be thinking about you all week! It's going to be a happy beginning - I just know it!

Little Cat said...

That is exciting news Barbara! I'm wishing you a smooth and happy ride of the next few days :o)

I'm not sure I understand Niek's chess comparison either, but I do think that what you're calling 'emotional weirdness' is quite normal this close to the birth. I know I wondered similar questions myself.

Von said...

A new era is about to dawn for you and your family! Get some good snuggle time in with Nicky and Rowen as they are going to instantly seem huge once Arden shows up. Max is already huge. :D
Prayers that Thursday is indeed the day and l&d progresses nicely to a beautiful birth. Hugs!

Barbara said...

I've been reading your blogs for a while now and this sounds good. A happy ending and a new beginning coming your way. What great excitement. Good luck!

ruthsplace said...

Arden will love you all. Sending you a big virtual hug and wishing you the very best of luck. :)

Nicki said...

Oh WOW Barbara!!! I am so excited for you. I've only ever felt this way for my sister's little boy so Arden must be very special. Wishing all goes really, really well. {{{{hugs}}}}

Margaret said...

This is all so very exciting and emotional for you and Niek and of course the children. Looking forward to seeing your first pictures of Arden.
Hugs from LV.