I had all three of my kids the natural way - no pain relief and as little medical intervention as possible. Max (who had shoulder dystocia) and Rowen (who was occiput posterior, or face-up)were born at home with a midwife present; Nicky had to be induced in the hospital because my water broke but labor didn't ensue within 72 hours, but the GYN basically only 'caught' him and left the rest of it up to Niek and me. We knew when we found out we were having twins that this time would be different, and I've constantly had to shift my boundaries of how much interference is acceptable. Today we found out that it's nearly a certainty that Arden will have to be born via a Cesarean. There are a number of factors involved: he's continuing to grow too fast and too much and very soon his ear-to-ear measurement will surpass 10 centimters (those familiar with childbirth know that 10 centimeters is the width of the 'exit'), he is stubbornly staying in a sort of upside-down transverse position (as in the illustration, except his back is on top and his feet & hands below), and the placenta is in front (making manual manipulation too dangerous due to the possibility of tearing it loose). The doctor also told me that it was extremely likely that the birth, one way or another, would occur before Christmas simply because there are now so many factors in play.
Dr. Schmitz said that although Nicky flipped over right before birth (he was in a classic breech position), it is extremely unlikely that Arden will perform a similiar trick. Even if he were in a classic breech, he could still be born vaginally, unless his head has become too large. And basically, if his head grows any more at all, it will be too big to fit.
When she was explaining everything, I really thought I was pretty much okay with it. I have an absolute horror of hospitals and of surgery, and I have extremely strong feelings about the benefits of a natural birth for both mother and child, but if your baby is in danger that fact simply takes precedence over everything else. But during the 10 or 15 minutes I was waiting to have blood drawn after talking to her, I began to feel like I was going to be ill. It's just such a shock, on top of so many other shocks .... I have to admit that I feel like hiding up in my bedroom and just crying. And when I told someone very close to me about the doctor's prognosis, the response I got, "just schedule the damned C-section and get it over with!" left me literally gasping for breath.
I know that loads of women go through Cesareans, either by choice or by necessity, and I am not interested in a debate of one childbirth method over another one ... so please, if that is your response, I must ask you to keep it to yourself. This entry is almost as difficult to write as when I had to talk about losing Arden's twin. Not that losing a baby is comparable to having a C-section, but because it's an issue that I know is likely to bring up conflicts and responses that I have a hard time dealing with. But when I decided to keep this blog open, it was to write about the bad as well as the good.
Decisions will be made at my next, and possibly last, prenatal appointment on December 11th.
19 comments:
Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that things won't be going as planned... that ALWAYS throws me for a loop no matter how small the issue, and this is a pretty big one!
Hi Barbara, I too had banked on a natural birth at home. Then the boundaries moved to a natural birth in hospital, then possibly c-section and I ended up having an emergency c-section.
I just wanted to say that I too have a terror of hospitals, surgery and even needles, yet my experience of the c-section was only good. I was frightenend and getting pretty hysterical, but the midwives and surgeons were so good and I had Riley in my arms within 2 minutes of them starting and I didn't feel a thing. I know it's not what you
'want' honey, but they wouldn't do it if they didn't think it was the safest thing. If I ever get pregnant again and get offered a c-section then I would definitely go with that.
I hope this has helped reassure you a teeny bit that a c-section still can be a good experience.
Big ((((hugs)))) to you.
I'm sorry to read you won't have the natural birth you had before. I got 3 c-sections (I hope you will continue reading my message!lol) and even though I dreamed of a natural birth (and still regret I will never have one), sometimes it is what is best for the baby. You are very disapointed right now but it's better they tell you now so you can get used to the idea in case you need it. And maybe, you won't need it ;-) You know the most important is that Arden arrive fine. When the baby is here, you forget about the whole ordeal (except when you laugh!!! lol - sorry I try to be funny to cheer you up a little bit ;-) )
I think things almost never go as we planned them but the ending can still be beautiful and better than planned ;-) ((((((((hugs )))))))) Try not to worry too much and stay connected to your precious little one who wants a relax mom :-)
{{{{{{Barbara}}}}} I'm sorry that things aren't working out quite the way you hoped for Arden's birth. Although I have never had children and therefore can't exactly imagine what you're going through, changes of plan tend to upset me too, so I can quite understand, and sympathize hugely, from that viewpoint. I'm thinking of you and hoping that everything will go as smoothly as is humanly possible, despite your misgivings.
Don't feel guilty for grieving over your preferences being taken away from you. When things don't work out according to our hopes and dreams, there must be a time of mourning that and then coming to grips with real life. It's okay. You have a precious treasure in Arden and you will have a lifetime to enjoy him. The c-section is just a short one hour in your life. Can you plan something very special for yourself after the birth to look forward to and take some of the emotional sting out of it? I'll be praying for peace for you in this!
oh dear- I am so sorry. I had two c- sections. Not by choice. I hope you are able to twist your brain around this and make it "okay". Hugs,
Rachael
Lots and lots of {{{hugs}}} to you Barbara. I can understand that you have strong feelings - it's not at all what you hoped and dreamed of. I have to say that I've seen lots of c-sections (as a med student) and never ever saw any problems. You can stay awake if you like (and only if you like) so you'd get to hold Arden straight away, and c-section babies are so much prettier - none of that squashing! ;) It'll be OK I'm sure, whatever way he appears. And a baby for Christmas would be beautiful :) Many hugs.
I had an emergency C-section after 18 hours of intense labor. Sean's head just wouldn't come out. It wasn't terrible and I only wanted to do what was best for the two of us-I was exhausted-and that was 21 years ago.
I'll keep you in my thoughts. You've got a big boy there!
{{{HUGS}}} and prayers is what I have to offer today. It looks like we may be meeting your boy sooner than later, which in itself is quite cool :-) So many things to have to think about.... aw, {{{HUGS}}}
Barbara, I am sorry to hear this. I never had to have a c-section, but I work with women who do and it came be a positive experience in the fact that you get to choose your baby's birth date, it's more controlled and you really have time to get your house/plans in order before time. Ultimately, your safety and Arden's will be what counts the most.
I don't know what the Dutch professionals teach about c-sections, but if you are interested in knowing what I tell my patients here I would be glad to share it with you. Thinking of you and many {{{hugs}}}
My doctor kept telling me that I might need a c-section, and I was absolutely terrified. It was more the idea that I'd be awake than anything. You poor thing, I do know that that's a very difficult thing to face. Many women are happy to get a c-section, but I know I just could never get there. After all I went through (2 inducements, breaking water, episiotomy, and vacuum), I think I still preferred it to having a c-section. But you will get through it. You must!
I can't imagine going through natural childbirth. You are one brave woman. It was bad enough with an epidural! You're strong and you'll go through it all and you'll have a beautiful baby as your reward. (hugs)
Just sending you my (((hugs))) and support! Thinking of you, my friend.
I'm sorry Barbara that your birth plans have all gone by the way side for you and like Connie said, it's another thing you have had taken away from you .. it's ok to feel upset. Take time to digest it all.
Big Hugs ...
I can understand your being upset about the potential of not getting the birth situation you want. Thankfully, though, you're seeing that this might be what's best to get Arden into the world safe and sound. I know it's a shock right now, but like someone else said, at least you know it could be a possibility and you have time to get used to it, instead of it being sprung on you at the last minute.
I hope you can work through this all and be as OK with it as possible. Who knows...Mother Nature may intervene and Arden will turn the right way, slow down on his growth, and you'll get your natural birth. Fortunately we live in an era where medical professionals have solutions to these "problems" and have other options to keep mom and baby healthy during delivery!
Big (((HUGS))) as you sort through all of this.
I have a friend who was really freaked out when they told her she was going to have to have her second child via C-section. I think that sometimes people don't understand the amount of trauma involved in the process. Sure, the doctors have it down to a science, but it's still major surgery and nothing to sneeze at whatsoever. Certainly nothing to just "schedule and get over it." Sheesh!
I know that things will work out how they need to. Try to stay positive, but open to change. *hug*
{Hugs} I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.
*hugs* let me know if I can help at all.
For my tuppence worth - as long as Arden arrives safely, does it really matter how he arrives? He is the priority. And I always though I got off very lightly having a caesarian last time, none of the pain or discomfort before or after a normal labour. My only problem was that I felt deprived of the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy and the opportunity to give birth naturally. And I'm just getting used to the idea myself that I might need another c-section too! I know it's tough to have things suddenly taken out of your control like this, but Arden's safe arrival is all that matters.
Poor you - like you haven't had enough to worry about just lately.
I am back on the internet, but not email just yet.
Thinking positive thoughts for you.
xxxx - some cross stitches for you ;-))
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