doctors and therapists and pills, oh my!

I haven't been updating quite as regularly because I don't want to come across sounding like I'm complaining. Still and all, I suppose an update is warranted, simply to avoid forgetting stuff later. (Something I am very good at!)

My last checkup with the GYN was the 15th. Dr. Schmitz was back from her holiday and I had my mental list of questions and concerns for her. The glucose screening was, as I knew, fine. The other bloodwork was also satisfactory (iron was low, but always is). The urine testing turned up an intestinal bacterial infection that required treatment by antibiotics (amoclan, 125 mg 3xdaily). I'd lost the kilo that I'd gained at the last appointment. The ultrasound tech was out, so no measurements this week, but we did check him with the scan to ensure his heartrate seemed fine. As for the excess of amniotic fluid, she stressed that it is an excess of measurements, not a clinical excess. In her opinion, it's not likely to trigger a premature labor, which was my great concern. Of course, her opinion ... well, her opinion doesn't exactly reassure me, but I can't second guess everything all the time. Blood pressure was somewhere right around normal (120/80) which is slightly higher than it has been, but the assistant took it while Dr. Schmitz was talking to me, and it seems like that causes my BP to increase. Go figure. LOL!

The antibiotics really caused me some concern, because I was taking antiobiotics when we lost the baby last year. Dr. Schmitz reassured me repeatedly that these were safe to take during pregnancy, and the pharmacist said the same when I grilled her on any possible side effects. The killing off of all those nasty bacteria, however, did spark a most unpleasant yeast infection. Yay. Do you think I could find "live" yogurt anywhere? Naturally not. Did some online reading for other at-home treatments, as I know from past experience that the Monostat-variety medications do not agree with my system. I will spare you the details other than to say I've discovered yet another use for garlic. ;)

I've also been to an amazing haptonoom who put me through some extraordinary breathing exercises that benefitted my asthma problems as well. Unfortunately, I have to be laying down to do them. But he also showed me a way to sit that really takes the strain off that muscle - what a lifesaver! It's obvious, though, that I will have to continue to cut back on what I can reasonably tackle as the pregnancy continues. There's just no way around it. Thankfully, I have wonderful kids who are capable of cutting me some slack and I have an incredible husband who is supportive at every turn.

The upcoming week is not only a school vacation for the kids, but also filled with various appointments. I'll see my regular PT for the pelvic issues. That's well under control, thankfully, but the bi-weekly pain massage (LOL!) really helps keep it under control and I don't want to give that up. I'll also be seeing my "regular" haptonoom, who saw us through Nicky and Rowen's pregnancies. She's a remarkable person and I am really looking forward to seeing her. I'll also be going in for a half-day of work at the office and putting in about a half-day from home. Yay for paychecks!

I've also had my first meeting with a grief counsellor, who actually seems to know what's what. I've ordered a REBT workbook from Amazon.com that will hopefully arrive by the end of the week, giving me about 2 weeks to "study" for our next appointment. Niek and I have talked about the need to make the final arrangements for the twin we lost, a talk we've both been avoiding.

And so things continue slowly heading in the right direction.

2nd round of glucose screening

Today marks the amazing 27 week milestone. Okay, it's not really a milestone, but in 'just' 10 weeks, Arden could be born and not be premature. Yes, I'm grasping for milestones wherever I can and it is a little pathetic. I was telling Niek last night that I feel guilty that I can't just relax and enjoy this pregnancy - that maybe I'm not a good enough mom - but I keep worrying about the spectre of premature birth ... and of the worse things that yet could happen. I do grab my bits of joy when they come along, though! Today's glucose testing went great and I show no signs of diabetes. My values were 5.4 at 9 am, 5.1 at noon (hadn't eaten yet), and 5.8 at 2 pm (had a vegetable & boiled egg sandwich at 1 pm).

To deal with the torn abdominal muscle, I've been wearing these very snug 'body bag' undergarments that my mom sent me. Arden hates them because he doesn't have all the room in the world to bounce around in, but they really do a wonder for supporting that muscle. (The soonest I've been able to get an appointment with a PT is October 18th. Anyone with a teenager who isn't sure of a future career - physical therapy!!!) I give Arden a break about every 3rd day by wearing normal underwear (if you can call the tents that are maternity undergarments 'normal'!). He reacts like a VERY large Mexican jumping bean on these days. LOL. It hurts, but it's well worth it when I imagine his joy at having unrestricted movement.

Yesterday, my belly 'dropped' - I suddenly have nearly a full hand's width of room between my belly and breasts. He's not dropped into my pelvic girdle yet, but I would rather he wasn't riding so low. Not only am I forced to walk like an overweight duck, but it makes me worry about him coming prematurely. I know, I worry too much....

On the bright side, he remains active and is obviously growing very well and my health also remains good. So, quiet happy cheers from here in Gouda. :)

26 weeks and 3 days - wow!

Today was our biweekly ultrasound and checkup for Arden, and I'm relieved to share that everything went well. The ultrasound measurements continue to be between 2 wks/2dys and 2 wks/4 dys "bigger" than normal for his age, but this seems to be his normal growth pattern - he's not deviated it from it since we started doing the measurements. Our big little boy. :)

My BP and protein levels were fine, but the doctor I had today (my regular GYN has a week off) wanted to test my urine because it's been cloudy - frankly, I was relieved - and also wrote up the paperwork for my iron levels and a few other things to be tested. It's also time to have the glucose tests run again. For the test here, I don't drink anything special but simply go in every 3 hours for a finger prick to see if my levels are too high/too low/fluctuating. And that horrible pain I've had under my ribcage is not a figment of my imagination or the woes of being an older mom - it's a torn abdominal muscle which may or may not be infected. Sadly, there's not much that can be done about it till post-pregnancy, and the poor stretched out thing is going to have to stretch a bit more .... I'm trying to reach one of the PTs who is very good with this sort of thing, but she's been unavailable. I'll keep trying. Till then, 'easy does it' will have to be my motto.

It was wonderful to see Arden again, and to be reassured that he's doing as well as he is. By the time the two weeks are nearing an end, I always begin to get nervous about something going wrong. When I was talking to my mom today, I realized with a shock that we'll only have around 6 more appointments before the Grand Arrival!

IJsselland checkup with Jim and Gaby

Today's ultrasound, measurements, and checkup were made extra special by the presence of Jim and Gaby. :) They're the first grandparents to "see" their newest grandson, and the experience was wonderful for all involved.

Arden continues to grow at a rather remarkable rate, but his growth is consistent with the biweekly measurements we've been taking, so the doctor isn't worried (but is keeping an eye on it). The manual exam, where the baby is palpated and measured externally, places Arden at 27 weeks. The ultrasound measurements place him at 26 weeks. He is currently 24 weeks and 3 days. My protein levels are fine and I'm not showing any signs of gestational diabetes, so at this point Dr. Schmitz says it would appear that we simply have a big, healthy baby. ;) However, I'll go back in for the glucose test in 4 weeks, just to be safe.

Jim and Gaby were totally amazed by the clarity of the ultrasound. Arden obligingly showed them all his tricks, even waving at us. It was a fabulous experience, and we all felt a little breathless and awed when we came out.

Later this afternoon, I also went to the physical therapist and she was surprised at how much progress has already been made in my pelvic (re)alignment. I'll go back next week, and then we'll probably cut back to biweekly visits. Yay!

creak, groan, crack

Today was my first appointment with the physical therapist to begin treating my pelvic instability and back pain - which do indeed turn out to be two manifestations of the same problem. We'll skip the coughing fit I had when I choked on my chewing gum - I was a little nervous about finding the place in the rain in an unfamiliar town. Turns out the therapist is the same woman I had for pregnancy gym when I was pregnant with Nicky and Rowen, and that she had a strange twin experience herself during her last pregnancy. She kept insisting that she felt like she was carrying twins, but the midwife said there was only one baby ... then when her son was born, she delivered two placentas, indicating there had been a twin who didn't survive the first trimester. Her experience made her a lot easier to talk to, and for the first time in ages, I didn't feel the need to be on my guard with someone.

The first thing she had to check was how limited my mobility has become. I'm not immobilized, but I'm in a moderate amount of pain all the time and my range of motion is pretty confined. So she started with a massage which I thought was going to have me in tears it hurt so badly. After that, we tried the mobility thing again, and there was definate improvement. She showed me three very simple exercises I need to work on this week and lent me a pelvic band to wear during my 'busy hours' each day, when I put myself out more. I'll wear it today during the late afternoon while I chase around after Nicky and Rowen. ;) She was glad I came in now, rather than waiting, and said there's a good likelihood we'll get it under control before the birth and that I'll be able to rely on simple maintenance exercises after the birth rather than requiring long-term therapy. It was interesting to get into and out of the car after the appointment without wincing ... ;)

Thank you all very much for your support after my last post. I'm still really freaked out about encountering people (I couldn't even pick Rowen up from daycare on Friday for fear of the people), and unfortunately I take out my frustration/fear on the wrong people (like my poor Mom who called on Saturday, when I was still feeling very rattled). It's largely the language - I am made practically mute in Dutch when I get upset; when I'm speaking English I can let it all 'hang out' which is not always fair to the person on the receiving end. Niek and I tried to work out a stock reply (in Dutch) to use if the situation recurs, but I know my mind will just go blank again. So I'm hiding out a bit more than normal these days.

things not to say

I almost escaped the first week of school without incident. Then today happened. First, the douala we'd originally contacted called - she had not received my email and was full of questions. When I managed to tell her that we'd lost one of the twins, she persisted (both on the phone and in an email) in asking questions about the deceased twin and how that was being handled. I decided to ignore her. Then at school, Nicky's teacher asked me if I were pregnant and if it was twins, which she'd heard a 'rumor' about. I quietly explained that it was twins but one had died unexpectedly. Morbidly, she persisted in questioning me about the one we'd lost, making faces when I verified that the baby was still in my womb and going on about how 'gross' that was. I finally told her that for me it was simply very, very sad and I walked away while she was still talking. After this, I feel like crawling off into a hole somewhere. The quiet day alone, which I'd been looking forward to as a chance to rest and relax, turned into a nightmare. It is unpleasant to think of the twin we lost remaining in my womb - when we first found out about the loss, the thought drove me to distraction, in all honesty. But it's far & away the safest solution for Arden - and we are not going to do anything at all to jeopardize his chances. What on earth would make people who only know me in passing think it's (a) okay to ask about something so intensely personal, and (b) make negative, even derogatory, remarks about it? I feel like every unthinking comment I've ever made (and trust me, I've never made any that even approach this) is coming back to torture me.

4 September - measurements & more at IJsselland

Last week, while we were in Belgium, Arden's movements began becoming much stronger and we were able to clearly feel him every day. That was the high point of the holiday for me! He actually wakes me up in the early hours, somewhere between 4 and 6 am, nearly every day for awhile. Never thought I'd be so happy to be awoken before dawn! LOL!

So when we went in for today's appointment, we were reasonably certain things would go well. Still, there's always that element of fear ... and the ultrasound machine in the doctor's office wasn't working properly, so when she first put the sensor on my belly, we couldn't see a heartbeat. I could feel him moving, and just concentrated on that, trying to ignore the monitor. Dr. Schmitz quickly arranged for us to go to the special ultrasound room, where they have a very state-of-the-art new machine, for the measurements, and concentrated on getting my information down on the chart. No weight gain at all for me - hooray! After the last two appointments, it looked like I'd soon need my own zip code. The glucose levels were as close to perfect as possible, so no worries about gestational diabetes at this time. Phew! My blood pressure was nice & low, as it should be. Basically, a green light for health.

After a remarkably short wait for the ultrasound room, we were treated to a nice long, leisurely look at Arden while he showed us his new tricks. :D The technician was also eager to show off all that the new machine could do, so after all the measurements had been taken (and he measures out about a week ahead of time, i.e. 23 1/2 weeks instead of 22 1/2 - Yay!), we were treated to a 3D scan. WOW! Not only 3D still shots, which we'd seen before, but real-time 3D movements. It was incredible! I'm still sort of goosebump-y from it. It's like a God's-eye-view of life, seeing a baby in the womb like that. It appear that, at least in shape, Arden is going to take after his big brother Nicky quite a lot. Of course we have no idea if he'll inherit the lovely Dutch coloring from his father or my darker hair & eyes, but he certainly has Nicky's overall shape so far. Handsome baby!! :D