tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52131346760629181522024-02-19T17:57:44.084+01:00where children gathermainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-27271751619633095182008-03-20T21:05:00.006+01:002008-03-20T21:15:12.353+01:00who's who?I've been enjoying all the comments about how Arden looks like Nicky (or like Rowen, or like Max, depending on who's commenting), so I thought I'd post pictures of all four kids at about the same age (approximately 3 months) and see if everyone knows which child is which. ;) (No fair clicking on the pictures and seeing the caption!)<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoZ2pDGJqc1Zf5FSZUeM73U_AGxA5eSiRXQPFjmzU7nFV2-0D1_QipHiRjNwZK7lJJ5wBMfFqSMBtJ6w13YjQUZ0v136VNJHZUizkj2rW6mgpCRtNyV1NW-oTFpnTlN2J0WGOWEtptw64/s1600-h/WeddingFlowers.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoZ2pDGJqc1Zf5FSZUeM73U_AGxA5eSiRXQPFjmzU7nFV2-0D1_QipHiRjNwZK7lJJ5wBMfFqSMBtJ6w13YjQUZ0v136VNJHZUizkj2rW6mgpCRtNyV1NW-oTFpnTlN2J0WGOWEtptw64/s200/WeddingFlowers.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179918575032327618" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyuzmloK4x0ntbdsK93c-Qlp5KSrsHB-blhWSjJGq3-7gatORhx_oQ_VQs0lepHPoUXnX07UC8KtTPG2Cv7SNmfpTEOUqqtvK4NE-YAxClmf81QoVjTMCNAtf9A9p2R9XTMOOJKL31LHQ/s1600-h/3+mos+old+today+2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyuzmloK4x0ntbdsK93c-Qlp5KSrsHB-blhWSjJGq3-7gatORhx_oQ_VQs0lepHPoUXnX07UC8KtTPG2Cv7SNmfpTEOUqqtvK4NE-YAxClmf81QoVjTMCNAtf9A9p2R9XTMOOJKL31LHQ/s200/3+mos+old+today+2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179919459795590626" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKa8nAxqqgp_eW1PDAlhWPA-RjBLrCBLnGxR01ymCkbgZDqa8rf5NAkxaX2XXhQE0_MPLSiotH4tvTgTMfQm5tZTrqNPo4DOf-8SAJypCFNuB1Tn6VdnDg4673cOYsrD1rFEIzNDi6B4s/s1600-h/nicky+4+mos.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKa8nAxqqgp_eW1PDAlhWPA-RjBLrCBLnGxR01ymCkbgZDqa8rf5NAkxaX2XXhQE0_MPLSiotH4tvTgTMfQm5tZTrqNPo4DOf-8SAJypCFNuB1Tn6VdnDg4673cOYsrD1rFEIzNDi6B4s/s200/nicky+4+mos.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179919184917683666" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5XQTCnNyHoYe7gouWio3MuA3x64JpJ5VNVHfnfuhxX5HH4x0kQUZmwSy6_f6l8RceWXhGeCQfHL6cU42lb3Qx4nVT4J7xAdr1v0u4jdSKRQV3VhRKUuwwxao5ody36Gx50V0t41jWeXI/s1600-h/rowen+3+mos.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5XQTCnNyHoYe7gouWio3MuA3x64JpJ5VNVHfnfuhxX5HH4x0kQUZmwSy6_f6l8RceWXhGeCQfHL6cU42lb3Qx4nVT4J7xAdr1v0u4jdSKRQV3VhRKUuwwxao5ody36Gx50V0t41jWeXI/s200/rowen+3+mos.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179918313039322546" /></a>mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-88837780767781943232008-03-09T10:49:00.002+01:002008-03-09T10:50:49.871+01:00mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-46994293954585628302008-02-20T20:36:00.003+01:002008-02-20T21:03:24.466+01:00two calendar months, already!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwXYnlHueSxlz8BuCCGo898fx0Mi76uT1ESBrxVrN38UjahyphenhyphenfMV7jfPRvyTfj9uvC5N-RwChF1RoR-n97GCi3EsqYM6QCcRWw328bkRN3_za190L_F-iIDyHn7eE6jeTslswRn-Wobwfc/s1600-h/Ardens+birth+010.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169154814639984642" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwXYnlHueSxlz8BuCCGo898fx0Mi76uT1ESBrxVrN38UjahyphenhyphenfMV7jfPRvyTfj9uvC5N-RwChF1RoR-n97GCi3EsqYM6QCcRWw328bkRN3_za190L_F-iIDyHn7eE6jeTslswRn-Wobwfc/s200/Ardens+birth+010.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Parenthood is such a strange career to get into. Time does very strange things when you're a parent ... it doesn't follow the rules any longer. A day can last no more than a few hours. Weeks pass by in a blink. Months begin to seem like no more than a series of a few days. It's unnerving, I tell you! </div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM9Mem0qkxq1-FbhSckfd-MVlFCYo57mCl69rcSaeh0x2MF8QOvwzT3fdAXXEMSXF11SnE8SRiBELe7TA4PDbIklK4I926I_Ntzvh_WewQQIhwZtqU0dNSjd54VtwVHqSBmnut7qWs3gM/s1600-h/31+dec+sharing+a+joke.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169154823229919250" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM9Mem0qkxq1-FbhSckfd-MVlFCYo57mCl69rcSaeh0x2MF8QOvwzT3fdAXXEMSXF11SnE8SRiBELe7TA4PDbIklK4I926I_Ntzvh_WewQQIhwZtqU0dNSjd54VtwVHqSBmnut7qWs3gM/s200/31+dec+sharing+a+joke.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div>And now we're confronted with the fact that Arden is two calender months old. No matter how I look at it, December 20th was ... two months ago. I'm pretty sure that someone stole a bunch of days out of there, somewhere. It just cannot have been that long already. On the other hand, Arden is such an integral part of the family, so deeply entwined in our hearts, that surely it's been years and years since he joined our ranks. I mean, with a new car after 2 months you're still unable to locate it in a parking lot because you haven't yet gotten used to its appearance, right? </div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirJMewCYhw5TVici_lHCKVrLSpkO8Xq1RjV65Nb9Y3NkndU-iMkUgdAK7lrNp0kvOiuCWImhD6LpwIHJMRqNEjNo_SPVQI_k_g0HZZ52NiJrNW5GDZCFvPuX-EEiFzVDJVGJ-8z-oa8rY/s1600-h/FOUR+weeks+old+today.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169154827524886562" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirJMewCYhw5TVici_lHCKVrLSpkO8Xq1RjV65Nb9Y3NkndU-iMkUgdAK7lrNp0kvOiuCWImhD6LpwIHJMRqNEjNo_SPVQI_k_g0HZZ52NiJrNW5GDZCFvPuX-EEiFzVDJVGJ-8z-oa8rY/s200/FOUR+weeks+old+today.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div>Looking back on that wild and weird day that he was born ... we won't even get into the weird days that preceeded it ... it's just astonishing how much <em>living</em>, how much <em><strong>life</strong></em>, can get packed into such a brief period of time! December 20th lasted about a full week for me ... we had to report to the hospital at 7 am, which meant getting up around 5:30 in the morning. Such a surreal experience, getting up so early. And the hospital at that early hour is like another place - quiet, empty, rather disorganized. It's like suddenly finding yourself behind the scenes at a play, when you thought what you'd been experiencing was reality. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>The time lapse between the first and second applications of the cervical gel was like an eternity. I was trying so hard to bring on some sort of activity, when it was so obvious that nothing was happening. I walked, I rocked, I did all the things that are supposed to bring on labor. Nada. When the doc came by in the mid afternoon to check on my (nonexistent) progress, I was worried he'd just send us home. Luckily he didn't ... the second application of the gel began having an effect almost immediately. I walked up and down the corridors without cease, determined not to lose the momentum ... my legs got tired, my feet hurt! But it was worth it! By dinnertime, it was obvious to everyone that a new person would join the human race that day! :D </div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRrWGraWdrrZvOq-2AgAaiPQDCUkTiXsvsqLAP4sFwKGty3L0y4tXMYjxpQQmklEZbp2GQ6pq8nU_eRchUtqGqGLo7h3eT-RLg-Iywd3gvLnl3vNzNcwA9bxcFWXpDApvgpLmi9YxUUPY/s1600-h/Arden+is+6+weeks+old+evening+pic.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169154836114821170" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRrWGraWdrrZvOq-2AgAaiPQDCUkTiXsvsqLAP4sFwKGty3L0y4tXMYjxpQQmklEZbp2GQ6pq8nU_eRchUtqGqGLo7h3eT-RLg-Iywd3gvLnl3vNzNcwA9bxcFWXpDApvgpLmi9YxUUPY/s200/Arden+is+6+weeks+old+evening+pic.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>The days and weeks since then have each been filled with their own unique joys and trials. It was very hard to hand Arden over in the hospital when he had to have an IV and remain on the children's ward; on the other hand, it gave me a glimpse into what it is like to have a seriously ill child. Very humbling and frightening. I'm ever so much more grateful than I ever was before for the simple fact that my kids have been healthy. It was such a joy to have him "all to myself" when I was home again - I didn't leave the house for days on end because I just wanted to soak him (and the other kids, who I'd missed terribly while in the hospital) up. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>We've been doing alright, I think, making sure that everyone gets a reasonable share of attention and in paying proper homage to the Big Deal Events that have arisen, such as Nick and Rowen's birthdays and Rowen's first days of school, Max's swimming exam, and each other's needs. Some days are a little more rough around the edges than others, I know, but overall I think I'm pretty safe in saying that we're happy most of the time and that there are far & away more good days than bad. </div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-qwvEgefd3i2LC1nV90H_95T0hzBHIURz9cdLlKbn4doXrpJPTWrUtjcwU8PatKhGyKyz8sAyCEiPWEDOPw9WjrdNgFB4dWm3wNU8NYY_k4_BEgphEamgHuNOuBAFBbNa1KqU0W8SfZ8/s1600-h/2+cal+mos+old+today+1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169154840409788482" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-qwvEgefd3i2LC1nV90H_95T0hzBHIURz9cdLlKbn4doXrpJPTWrUtjcwU8PatKhGyKyz8sAyCEiPWEDOPw9WjrdNgFB4dWm3wNU8NYY_k4_BEgphEamgHuNOuBAFBbNa1KqU0W8SfZ8/s200/2+cal+mos+old+today+1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>On this, Arden's 2-month birthday, I'd just like to say thank you. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to become a mother again. I'm so grateful for my amazing children (even when they drive me to distraction!). And I'm so grateful for my amazing husband, who makes it all possible. :D </div>mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-569622598539651532008-01-17T22:48:00.000+01:002008-01-17T23:08:20.430+01:00four weeks old (plus one hour and counting)<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/13893564@N00/2199817172/" title="FOUR weeks old today (2) by barbarachatterton, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2248/2199817172_c1ba56bfff_m.jpg" width="200" height="240" alt="FOUR weeks old today (2)" /></a><br /><br />Dear heavens, where have the hours gone? Already, my little traveller looks so much bigger and older, so many things have already progressed from 'newborn' to 'infant'. He feeds on a (mostly) four hour schedule. He sleeps well. He's alert and tracks both our faces and our voices. He loves being placed on his belly so he can do baby push ups. He doesn't cry often, but when he does he sounds so much more robust than the thin mewling he made when he was in the hospital. He's gone from barely being able to hold a 20 - 30 ml feeding every three hours to lustily demanding a 125 - 150 ml feeding every 4 hours. His little legs are long enough that his feet finally reach down to the 'footie' part of his snowsuit. My baby ... is a baby. I'm so glad that I barely slept in the hospital, using every moment we were together to memorize his face, the sounds he made, the way he moved ... it's all passed by. He's so much bigger, stronger - and he looks different!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/13893564@N00/2200617706/" title="13 jan 012 by barbarachatterton, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2247/2200617706_d60a911abe_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="13 jan 012" /></a><br /><br />Dear Arden, if ever you read these words, the last four weeks with you have been among the happiest in my life. Each of you children has brought out something new in me, and you'll forever be the baby who showed me that I am not in control. It's a lesson others have tried to impress on me but I remained certain that if only I followed the right rules in the right way, I'd still be holding the reins. I did follow all the rules, all the right way, but everything went topsy-turvey anyway. Together I hope we'll urge each other on, support one another, cheer on our successes and sympathize with our failures in this big, unpredictable world.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/13893564@N00/2199822033/" title="sweet koppie by barbarachatterton, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2187/2199822033_46a444d293_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="sweet koppie" /></a><br /><br />The physical aspect of yours that has struck me most deeply during the past four weeks is your steady gaze. You look at a person as if nothing is hidden, and as if there's no need to hide anything. You radiate a calm certainty that speaks of strength and of acceptance. It is quite remarkable.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/13893564@N00/2200617476/" title="sweet feet by barbarachatterton, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2174/2200617476_00efbfdeba_m.jpg" width="220" height="240" alt="sweet feet" /></a>mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-18674698897193081582007-12-28T16:46:00.000+01:002007-12-28T17:41:09.678+01:00where to begin?<em>So much to write down, so little time ... We are in that cozy cocoon of living simply from one feeding to the next, totally caught up in the wonders of umbilical cords falling off, remarking on the color of baby poo, counting bumps and ridges under soft baby hair, and catching smiles from a contented little face. It's a lovely time, and oh-so-fleeting. Though it leaves no time for the real world!<br /><br />Arden has been home now since the evening of Christmas Eve, and I'm still pinching myself to make sure it's all for real. He continues to show a lot of yellow in his skin, and to be a lot quieter than Nicky or Rowen were. He's a bit like Max in that respect, but sleepier than Max ever was. When he's awake, he's very alert and calmly looks all around him, taking in his new home and family. He has a most remarkable gaze.<br /><br />The midwife was by today to check on his growth, but the records from the hospital have not yet arrived, so we have nothing to compare his new weight to. There's a bit of concern about his weight (as in, is he gaining enough) and his navel will need to be looked at again to see if it continues to heal properly, but another midwife will come by on Monday and we'll have more knowledge to work with then. <br /><br />It's funny - after months of being warned that he's big, than bigger than normal, than so big that we had to get special tests run ... Arden turned out to be a wee little fellow after all. At only 7.3 lbs and approximately 19.5 inches, he's the smallest of the four. All those measurements ... wrong. The one they were right on, but which they retracted, was the amniotic fluid. There must've been gallons of water in there! The midwife and nurse present at the birth couldn't believe it. LOL. Just goes to show that no matter how much we may think we know about the quiet miracles, like growing a baby, Mother Nature will always have the last word. <br /><br />Since time is rather a difficult commodity to come by these days, I'll break his story down into chunks. I doubt it'll be too interesting for anyone, but I'd like him to know about it when he's older (if he's interested!).</em><br /><br /><em><strong>The Labor and Birth</strong></em><br />Niek and I were admitted to the maternity ward at IJsselland around 7 am on December 20th. They applied 1 dose of hormone cream to my cervix after monitoring Arden's heart/activity rates for about an hour. A half hour after that, I was allowed up to begin pacing - nothing like a bit of a nudge from gravity. I must've worn ruts into the linoleum in our room, but by the time the 1 pm check-up came, there was no additional dilation, though the attending GYN said the cervix felt a lot 'softer' to him and he deemed it worth the try of applying 2 doses of the cream to my cervix after further monitoring Arden's heart and activity rates. Even before I was allowed to get up and pace some more, I felt this time was going to be different. I walked and walked - only pausing when my back began to bother me too much to continue, but then springing up after a few minutes to walk some more. Luckily, it was a slow day on the ward and I was able to pace one of the corridors endlessly without annoying anyone. By 3 pm, my back was bothering me rather a lot and I decided to sit and rock instead, which did a lot for the back pain while still taking advantage of gravity and motion. By 3:15 pm, I began timing my contractions but still didn't say anything about them - I've "lost" contractions so many times in the past with the other kids that I didn't want to jinx myself. By the time the 5:00 pm check came, I knew I was having contractions that would allow us to proceed to the next stage - no way they were going to send me home to wait it out. <br /><br />More time was spent hooked up to the fetal monitor, and the contractions were pretty close together though not too severe. Still, it's tiring having your body continually wracked by spasms without much of a break in between to rest. That was a result of the hormonal gel - if it works, it triggers contractions, but they are unregulated (as in a normal spontaneous labor, where you get several minutes between each spasm). I was also having trouble with coughing due to my leftover bronchitis and the fact that I had to lay down for the fetal monitoring. Still, everything was going very well and I was feeling ready to take it to the next level.<br /><br />We were moved into the delivery room around 6:30 pm, which coincided with a shift change. The young male attending we had was replaced by a familiar and comforting face - Marloes, a midwife who had seen us shortly after we lost Arden's twin, and whose compassion and gentleness made a deep impact on us both. Our nurse was also a dear - very sweet as well as funny. We felt we were in good hands. Marloes decided to put me on an IV to regulate and increase the contractions. The ones I was having were not strong enough to actually birth the baby, and the fact that they came on one after the other without a break would become exhausting. We reviewed our birth wishes with them - everything from the cutting of the cord to handling the remains of the lost twin - and settled in for the duration. <br /><br />Having had the same sort of IV with Nicky, Niek and I knew what to expect and were not at all surprised when the 'gentle' spasms became wracking and painful - but with a decent interval in between in which to recover. The medication used in them also makes me nauseous, but we were ready for that, too. I was able to get up for a little while, which took the strain off my back but made me feel like it was time to start pushing before that was actually the case. So, back into bed. The contraction-measuring device wasn't well calibrated, so unfortunately the nurse was under the assumption that the contractions were still not strong enough - nonetheless, she listened to Niek when he asked her to notch the IV back a bit. Thank heavens! Meanwhile, my breathing exercises and pain management tricks were working reasonably well. If it hadn't been for that rotten cough, I think it wouldn't have been any problem at all. Around 9 pm I told the midwife that the urge to push was growing, even though I was laying down, and she watched my belly through a couple of contractions and said that I wasn't ready. I kept on puffing my way through the contractions, sort of looking inward to feel when they would be strong enough. Awhile later the nurse asked me to turn on my side because Arden's heart rate had begun to drop. On my side, he would get a better blood flow. As soon as I turned, the pain in my back became - in my opinion - intolerable. Niek pushed on my lower back as we'd learned in haptonomy, and the level became tolerable (though barely!). And I started throwing up! That was a first for me! In the process of vomiting really violently, I realized my body had begun to push even if I hadn't, and I could feel Arden already making his entrance. Luckily at that moment Marloes returned and ordered me to turn on my back and stop pushing. I could comply with the first, but not with the latter - I really wasn't doing the pushing. I moved my breathing up into my chest, as we'd practiced, but the baby kept coming out and then he was already there! Thank heavens he was small enough not to get 'caught' as Max did from overly-large shoulders! <br /><br />Marloes and the nurse immediately popped Arden onto my belly and I quickly pulled him up into my arms, asking everyone and no one if he was okay, if I'd hurt him by it going so fast, and essentially babbling like a woman who's just given birth. He let out a couple of mighty yells and then quickly snuggled into my arms. Niek and I were amazed. We may have four children, but that moment of birth is just incredible. Marloes was spectacular about following all of our requests, and we were able to wait for the cord to stop pulsing before Niek cut it, we kept Arden right in our arms the whole while, we could put him on the breast immediately, etc. It may not have been a home birth, but it certainly was the next best thing. <br /><br />The delivery of the placenta was a bit trickier and took almost two more hours to occur. To finally get it out, I had to push while Marloes pushed very hard on my belly. When it finally came out, we were able to say goodbye to our lost baby which was difficult and emotional and sad, but also such a release. Everyone's gentleness and compassion made for a very supportive environment. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmTQwlLzHawkS5e4D_ua9O6NawwGsgtucP8ebcIi05NbN71yjVwaCkIHTyigUoiZY3vK1JcGHFf7CspVEHYVaP_XgsmYHZi0o9aUNyaeU_ntF2NgO8HwYUYg6IPRKqcQwtS3BPn5ICThI/s1600-h/Ardens+birth+005.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmTQwlLzHawkS5e4D_ua9O6NawwGsgtucP8ebcIi05NbN71yjVwaCkIHTyigUoiZY3vK1JcGHFf7CspVEHYVaP_XgsmYHZi0o9aUNyaeU_ntF2NgO8HwYUYg6IPRKqcQwtS3BPn5ICThI/s200/Ardens+birth+005.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5149062399243416354" /></a>After that, we were left alone - Niek, Arden, and myself - for over an hour to just enjoy being together after all these months of waiting and worry. It was very private and special. Arden nursed a little bit, Niek and I stared till our eyes were popping ... it just didn't seem possible that this moment had finally arrived and that we were all together. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwaLpxslRdDoW6GLQmYw2ShYg29qs5Bi0AZdNfJ6r0tlnRxwT5dpWkAaPia1Zl4m3ILvBkTgGjwfbS65loonQpIl_FS5Aq5OQIHn5rgqN4kdxsOXv6hjHnwNJzVrPcnTYUkmZInlxBlnU/s1600-h/Ardens+birth+011.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwaLpxslRdDoW6GLQmYw2ShYg29qs5Bi0AZdNfJ6r0tlnRxwT5dpWkAaPia1Zl4m3ILvBkTgGjwfbS65loonQpIl_FS5Aq5OQIHn5rgqN4kdxsOXv6hjHnwNJzVrPcnTYUkmZInlxBlnU/s200/Ardens+birth+011.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5149063215287202626" /></a>By then it was after midnight. I had a shower and then was wheeled off to the ward room for new mothers & babies while Niek was free to go home and hopefully catch a few winks of sleep. In the ward room, Arden quickly made his preferences clear - he was happy to sleep through the night, but only in my arms. That was happily arranged, and we snoozed and visited with each other all night long. I tried a few times to nurse him more, but he wasn't interested until around 6 am, when he did a reasonably good job but was certainly not the guzzle guts that his siblings were. Morning found us curled up asleep together, very much the picture of happy content.mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-65524940255346913862007-12-25T22:33:00.001+01:002007-12-25T22:37:45.726+01:00welcome to the world<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9vO3u-bpsxIqGyTNR7nO3y0pehkXihSDfT53XbCWRrAfnPna53IkREM9wGXqHK14nP-M8wRRHujUJrVtNswvbBwfT-sJ9l3IPIuOnJqdyjcOt_SDpmjPQSW44_DqCt__vrpvdYlruDwQ/s1600-h/Ardens+birth+009.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9vO3u-bpsxIqGyTNR7nO3y0pehkXihSDfT53XbCWRrAfnPna53IkREM9wGXqHK14nP-M8wRRHujUJrVtNswvbBwfT-sJ9l3IPIuOnJqdyjcOt_SDpmjPQSW44_DqCt__vrpvdYlruDwQ/s200/Ardens+birth+009.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5148027552643248914" /></a><br /><br />Please welcome Arden Ellery, born 20 December 2007 at 21:38, weighing 7.3 pounds and measuring 19.5 inches!!<br /><br />More details to follow, when his mama's brain starts functioning again. ;)mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-16278127789927816712007-12-18T19:11:00.000+01:002007-12-18T19:25:11.743+01:00oddly reticentMaybe it's the reaction of the couple of people I've told, or maybe it's yet another case of jitters on my part ... but I'm feeling oddly reticent to admit that I got some big news from the GYN at today's checkup. I suppose I'm scared of jinxing the situation. <br /><br /><em>The good news:</em><br />At today's appointment, Dr. Schmitz found Arden's head all-but-engaged in my pelvis, which is very good. And I'm just shy of 2 cm dilation, which is also very good. Not good enough to check me in the hospital today, but good enough to make an appointment on the delivery ward for first thing Thursday morning. They'll check if I'm further dilated and will apply hormonal gel to my cervix to give Mother Nature a nudge in the right direction ... which will hopefully result in meeting Arden face-to-face by the end of the day. <br /><br /><em>The potential downside:</em><br />If the hospital is all booked up, we'll lose our appointment and have to wait for an opening. And there is the chance that the gel will have absolutely no effect and we'll be sent home after a few hours. But the doctor feels that the chances are very good that this will be just the gentle nudge that my body needs. I have had contractions off and on the past few days, but they fade away - I've had difficulty maintaining contractions during all but Rowen's birth ... I guess my body likes being pregnant. LOL. <br /><br /><em>The emotional weirdness:</em><br />It's all kind of huge suddenly and I am having the weirdest thoughts - like 'what if he doesn't like me?' Niek was comparing it to how you feel when you're in a losing position in chess and suddenly have the advantage on the board. I'll have to admit that his metaphor sailed right over my head, but apparently he's also feeling kind of strange. I'm not scared of the birth - after three children, that part doesn't phase me in the slightest - it's more a matter of grasping the reality of it after all the ups and downs we've had during the past months. Can this really be the happy ending (or beginning, to be more accurate) we've hoped for???mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-32941654994834664102007-12-17T13:12:00.000+01:002007-12-17T13:24:10.345+01:00Dear Arden,Since you waved so cheerfully to me in your last ultrasound, I thought I'd return the favor (in a manner of speaking). Here you are from the perspective that we're used to seeing you.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9BGP0PwI5DwOyKtyuVhh5LdYOZKtpXlpjlIYtQH7uxU_fyBQ4zYv6z5z_eTgV33UNwsKdO2KvCR4xAxGQplG0mu35rGS_4iwgQ4CefPd1sAAdzJnRQN_LqSkA8BE2z-bXQxvJG02x7C0/s1600-h/Arden+says+hi.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9BGP0PwI5DwOyKtyuVhh5LdYOZKtpXlpjlIYtQH7uxU_fyBQ4zYv6z5z_eTgV33UNwsKdO2KvCR4xAxGQplG0mu35rGS_4iwgQ4CefPd1sAAdzJnRQN_LqSkA8BE2z-bXQxvJG02x7C0/s200/Arden+says+hi.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5144916329873634034" /></a><br /><br />This is the most hectic, chaotic week of the holiday season for us, mostly because of your brother's school schedules, but also because your Opa & Oma and many relatives are away this week on holiday. So, if you're going to take after the rest of the family, I told your Daddy last night that this will be the week you're born. ;) <br /><br />It's been a rough time for you lately, being shaken up countless times of day and night by my coughing. It must feel like being inside a tumble-dryer or something. I can imagine it's awfully tiring for a wee fellow who's trying to find the exit and to catch some extra rest before The Big Arrival. I went back to the doctor again today - though she didn't have an answer as to why the antibiotics aren't working, she did prescribe a new inhaler and wished us both well. <br /><br />Despite all the shaking and upheaval, I can feel that you're moving and growing in there. I've so enjoyed telling you stories about your grandparents, your siblings, and our lives. I hope you've been aware of the many kisses that Nicky and Rowen have showered on you, and of all the greetings that your biggest brother Max has sent your way. Speaking of greetings, you received your very first card today! Your Grammie is certain you'll be here before Christmas and sent you this card. Pretty cute, huh? <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZPHhH5HeRjGb9jCv6n_vhXydjboMtSl7jd8CqSoiNoZHnTcNnCHrMHvIqZRk9Ruzw83RswbrfLWUXOjSR5m6Vhc0pzf0zqUhuvtff4ZtARGMvIsajRcfzT8FzLHEgqipmLLnKHKLi3yI/s1600-h/Ardens+first+XMas+card.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZPHhH5HeRjGb9jCv6n_vhXydjboMtSl7jd8CqSoiNoZHnTcNnCHrMHvIqZRk9Ruzw83RswbrfLWUXOjSR5m6Vhc0pzf0zqUhuvtff4ZtARGMvIsajRcfzT8FzLHEgqipmLLnKHKLi3yI/s200/Ardens+first+XMas+card.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5144916334168601346" /></a><br /><br />Well, my wee traveler, I needed to send you a special greeting today. Hopefully it won't be long now before we can communicate face-to-face (and hopefully I will not cough all over you!). Until that moment, know how much I love you.<br /><br />Your Mamamainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-48103081403434265002007-12-11T18:55:00.000+01:002007-12-11T19:01:15.099+01:00letting Mother Nature take the leadSo, today was another checkup with the GYN. At my last GYN appointment, the doctor had told us that a Cesarean was almost 100% certain to be necessary, so today's appointment would have been to make the arrangements for that. However, since Arden is in the right position now, and Dr. Schmitz knows how strongly I prefer a normal delivery, we are going to wait and see how things go.<br /><br />It may turn out that his head is too big to fit through the birth canal and that we wind up having a Cesarean anyway, but it's a chance I'm willing to take. The doctor assured me that <em>Arden is not in any way at any risk should this be the case</em>. What would happen is that labor would start, but he would be unable to engage in the pelvis. The doctor would check to see why labor wasn't progressing and would find out that his head is too big, and then we would go to Plan B, the Cesarean. It would not be an emergency Cesarean, and he would not be at risk. They're also aware of the shoulder issue that occurred when Max was born, and will probably deliver Arden the same way they did with Nicky, calling for a halt to the pushing while they ease out first one shoulder and then the other. (A little easier said than done, but we've been practicing our breathing exercise for that!)<br /><br />Basically, I guess I don't really have any news for you - no specific due date or anything thrilling like that. I will now visit the GYN weekly, and she'll check if I've dilated. If I have, she will check me in to the maternity ward and we'll focus on having the baby that day. Or if labor starts on its own, Niek and I will make another drive to the hospital. Just the usual wait & see game of having a baby. ;) I doubt very much we'll go beyond our due date of 4 January though, because he continues to measure out at about 4 weeks ahead of schedule. He waved to us during today's measurements!mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-8324130291314632202007-12-06T15:36:00.000+01:002007-12-06T15:48:56.137+01:00almost only counts in horseshoesMy dad used to say that to me all the time when I would go on about something that "almost" happened ... <em>almost only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades</em>.<br /><br />Last night was a sleepless one here, due to Nicky being very ill with a stomach bug and Arden being very active in the stomach. ;) He was delving down deeper and deeper into my pelvis, and I was having occassional cramps. All good signs! Then when I got up a little after 6:30 with Nicky (for like the millionth time since we started at 1 am), I was sure my water broke. I'd had the whole night to think about what to do, and in what order, should this come up, so we were like a well-oiled machine here. Call the in-laws, leave a message at the school that the boys weren't coming, get Max up and dressed, care for the animals, grab the camera and hospital suitcase, etc. <em>Seamless</em>. Normally, I would not go to the hospital for "just" broken water, but the GYN had said to come at the first sign of spontaneous labor, so I was following directions.<br /><br />We got there and had a lovely nurse, but unfortunately the midwife on duty thought she was Cleopatra reincarnated or something. At one point, if you can believe it, she actually told Niek to be quiet when he tried to ask a question because she was busy talking. Our 3-year old daughter isn't allowed to talk to people that way! We never even saw the GYN who was on duty.<br /><br />Anyway, said midwife decided my water was not ruptured and sent me home, after giving me a big lecture. I am so seriously NOT a fan of so many of the people we've encountered at this hospital. Particularly, I'm sick and tired of being treated like some sort of pregnant nutcase with an overactive imagination.<br /><br />But I digress, because a few hours after we came home, Dr. Schmitz (my GYN) called to say that thanks to Arden now being in perfect position, we can go ahead and try for the 'normal' delivery even if the ultrasound measurements indicate that his head has (slightly) exceeded 10 cm. So today's little story does have a happy ending - hooray!mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-72862018856611058142007-12-05T08:03:00.000+01:002007-12-05T08:16:58.630+01:00he turned!Yesterday was probably the most uncomfortable, <em>physically </em>speaking, day of this pregnancy. I'll spare you the details, other than saying it was painful and that I felt intensely nauseous all day. But when I went to bed, guess who was <strong>vertical</strong> rather than horizontal!!!<br /><br />Niek and I are burning with curiousity as to whether Arden will continue to mimic the actions of big brother Nicky, who also turned at the last moment. A couple of days after Nicky turned, my water broke and shortly after that, labor was induced in the hospital. If Arden were born this week, there is still a very large possibility that he could take the 'normal' route. Niek's already cautioning me not to get my hopes up, and he's right. So I'll simply add that from a purely practical point of view, the vertical position will also simplify the Cesarean. The transverse position he was in until last night makes the operation somewhat more complicated and also necessitates a bigger cut.<br /><br />A few people have continued to ask why we didn't have Arden manually turned, which is normally a possibility. The reason is because the placenta is on the front, and the force necessary for a manual manipulation would've almost certainly torn the placenta loose.<br /><br />And to the couple of commenters who've suggested haptonomy, thank you. We have had a haptonoom therapist for the past three pregnancies (including this one). So that base has already been covered. But for anyone who is pregnant or thinking of venturing down that path, haptonomy is something that Niek and I whole-heartedly suggest. It's an amazing way to begin bonding with your baby, to nurture your bond with your partner, and you learn so much that will help with the actual birthing process.<br /><br />Today, instead of feeling like I have an opened ironing board in my belly, I feel rather like I've been beaten with sticks. But, boy, am I happy! :Dmainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-40625634470585139992007-11-28T14:45:00.000+01:002007-11-28T14:51:49.628+01:00a misunderstanding? faulty reading?<span style="color:#cc0000;">Hello dear readers. I definitely need to clear up an issue: I did not at any point say or indicate that I would refuse to have a Cesarean. I said I was disappointed that it appeared it was going to be necessary. </span><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;"></span><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">Please, do not send any more comments about how I must choose the health of my baby over my own wishes. I can't even begin to understand how anyone who has been reading this blog would think I would do anything other than choose for my child's well-being and health. And for heaven's sake, please keep horror stories about births gone wrong to yourself! I've lost two babies in the past 2 years and I really and truly do not want to read about other people's horror stories at this point!</span>mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-75484064251207624942007-11-27T13:17:00.000+01:002007-11-27T14:03:33.026+01:00boundariesSometimes life just really will not cooperate with our plans.<br /><br />I had all three of my kids the natural way - no pain relief and as little medical intervention as possible. Max (who had <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoulder_dystocia">shoulder dystocia</a>) and Rowen (who was <a href="http://www.birthingnaturally.net/birth/challenges/posterior.html">occiput posterior</a>, or face-up)were born at home with a midwife present; Nicky had to be induced in the hospital because my water broke but labor didn't ensue within 72 hours, but the GYN basically only 'caught' him and left the rest of it up to Niek and me. We knew when we found out we were having twins that this time would be different, and I've constantly had to shift my boundaries of how much interference is acceptable. Today we found out that it's nearly a certainty that Arden will have to be born via a Cesarean. There are a number of factors involved: he's continuing to grow too fast and too much and very soon his ear-to-ear measurement will surpass 10 centimters (those familiar with childbirth know that 10 centimeters is the width of the 'exit'), he is stubbornly staying in a sort of upside-down <a href="http://www.birthingnaturally.net/birth/challenges/transverse.html">transverse </a>position (as in the illustration, except his back is on top and his feet & hands below), and the placenta is in front (making manual manipulation too dangerous due to the possibility of tearing it loose). The doctor also told me that it was extremely likely that the birth, one way or another, would occur before Christmas simply because there are now so many factors in play.<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixzx_BR6AAWqVEzc4EJnPnMl6_OPMnyZ-hKLicv3pVWfM-6eMOQyWV6RF2KA5vh_N5nTCNguSSx0CIxeuumeQt-L6v1OP1DxJU_Bb3_jgdrzoEMkie7rDXKc0y6VBN6p-nb0vGOw0XuFI/s1600-h/transverse+position.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5137500927323235282" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixzx_BR6AAWqVEzc4EJnPnMl6_OPMnyZ-hKLicv3pVWfM-6eMOQyWV6RF2KA5vh_N5nTCNguSSx0CIxeuumeQt-L6v1OP1DxJU_Bb3_jgdrzoEMkie7rDXKc0y6VBN6p-nb0vGOw0XuFI/s200/transverse+position.gif" border="0" /></a><br />Dr. Schmitz said that although Nicky flipped over right before birth (he was in a classic breech position), it is extremely unlikely that Arden will perform a similiar trick. Even if he were in a classic breech, he could still be born vaginally, unless his head has become too large. And basically, if his head grows any more at all, it will be too big to fit.<br /><br />When she was explaining everything, I really thought I was pretty much okay with it. I have an absolute horror of hospitals and of surgery, and I have extremely strong feelings about the benefits of a natural birth for both mother and child, but if your baby is in danger that fact simply takes precedence over everything else. But during the 10 or 15 minutes I was waiting to have blood drawn after talking to her, I began to feel like I was going to be ill. It's just such a shock, on top of so many other shocks .... I have to admit that I feel like hiding up in my bedroom and just crying. And when I told someone very close to me about the doctor's prognosis, the response I got, "just schedule the damned C-section and get it over with!" left me literally gasping for breath.<br /><br /><br />I know that loads of women go through Cesareans, either by choice or by necessity, and I am not interested in a debate of one childbirth method over another one ... so please, if that is your response, I must ask you to keep it to yourself. This entry is almost as difficult to write as when I had to talk about losing Arden's twin. <strong>Not</strong> that losing a baby is comparable to having a C-section, but because it's an issue that I know is likely to bring up conflicts and responses that I have a hard time dealing with. But when I decided to keep this blog open, it was to write about the bad as well as the good.<br /><br />Decisions will be made at my next, and possibly last, prenatal appointment on December 11th.mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-85933527379067039012007-11-12T18:50:00.000+01:002007-11-12T19:02:02.678+01:00stubborn boys!Today's check-up, though much less detailed than usual due to the recent trip to the EMC, seems to indicate that everything is going as it should - except that Arden is 'standing up' rather than in the head-down position required for a normal delivery. Nicky did this too, stubbornly remaining 'upside down' until the Grand Arrival. Dr. Schmitz said that in 2 weeks, at our next appointment, we'll discuss manual manipulation if he hasn't flipped over. And in case you're wondering, that is just as unpleasant as it sounds. I'm hoping he'll flip over on his own, as Nicky did. All my kids have had their little quirks - Max was two weeks late, and only decided to arrive with the help of an acupuncture treatment to jumpstart labor. Nicky was two weeks early. Rowen decided she wasn't going to miss a thing, so she stayed face-up. Strong little personalities, each one of them!<br /><br />At my haptonomy appointment this morning, Andrea said that it was obvious I was still trying to be 'too brave' about everything - basically continuing to deny my emotions by insisting that everything is 'fine' and will be 'fine' when it's clear that is not at all how I really feel. Of course she's right, but it's kind of spooky to be confronted with it when you're sure you're putting on a really good show of everything being ... well, fine. She said that during the relaxation exercises, which are supposed to link body and mind, that I need to be honest about my emotions - crying when I feel like I need to - to avoid being totally overcome during the actual birth. Then she said something that really hit home. She said that it wasn't just Arden being born, but that the two babies I've lost (Arden's twin and the baby last year) would also be there, looking on. She said it better than I have. I just find this thought so incredibly comforting - all of us being together.mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-33262376851035419872007-11-01T12:36:00.000+01:002007-11-01T13:07:44.071+01:00oh, thank heavens!Yesterday the hospital called to ask me to come in earlier, so the doctor and lab tech would have more time to do today's testing. Scared? You betcha'! But we made additional arrangements with our neighbor so we could take the boys over at 7:30 and she would take them to school at 8:15. Thank heavens for wonderful neighbors! Rowen went with us, as we had no one to take care of her. She was a very good girl during the long exam.<br /><br />Before I go any further, I want to tip my hat to the truly wonderful ultrasound technicians and doctors at the Erasmus Medical Center in Rotterdam. This was our second lengthy ultrasound there, and if you can believe it, they remembered us from our last appointment - and the doctor who conducted the scan was truly saddened by our loss and conducted today's scan in an extremely considerate manner. She left nothing to chance, doing all measurements at least twice, and explaining everything in detail. <br /><br />First off, the polyhydramnion, or excessive amniotic fluid, was indeed due to faulty measurements. No blame to attach to our usual ultrasound tech at IJsselland - the membrane separating the twins is extremely thin and difficult to see. She had been measuring the fluid for both babies. Arden's environment is spot-on for the correct amount of amniotic fluid so we don't need to worry about the complications associated with that condition. Phew!<br /><br />Secondly, although Arden's head is large, it still falls very much within the realm of what's considered normal. Our regular ultrasound tech had said during the 'scary' measurement that there was a chance that she was measuring from an angle rather than straight-on, but it's hard to know for sure. That wee bit of an angle added on enough millimeters to cause his measurements to fall outside the norm ... but fortunately it was 'just' a case of a shadow or an angle being off. His head measures at slightly larger than 34 weeks (while we are 30 wks/6dys), but that is still considered to be within normal fluctuations. Yay!<br /><br />They also checked for fluid build up in his head, neck, and spinal column - there was nothing unusual - and checked all visible organs for size, location, and functioning. Everything looks absolutely normal. Thank heavens!!!<br /><br />Thank you very, very much to the friends and family who have contacted me. Your support has helped me through a very scary period. I can't say thank you enough. And to parents, family and friends of children who have problems - you are true heroes. I'm humbled by the strength and love you give of so generously.mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-23079822679136315452007-10-29T14:00:00.000+01:002007-10-29T14:23:41.590+01:00strange measurementsToday was our biweekly checkup at the hospital. It's actually been 3 weeks since I last "saw" Arden, so the ultrasound was very welcome. Betsy, the ultrasound tech, got the most amazing picture of him that I'll try to do a decent job of scanning. It looks just like a picture of a sleeping baby. He has chubby little cheeks and Nicky's nose. :D<br /><br />Until now, Arden has measured out almost exactly 2 weeks larger than normal. We haven't worried because his growth has been incredibly consistent. And then, three weeks ago, it turned out that I have an excess of amniotic fluid (polyhydramnios)but it didn't seem to be affecting Arden in any adverse ways and my blood tests had all gone the right way ... so it was decided to just monitor it. This week the fluid levels are still too high, but consistent with the last measurements. <br /><br />However, Arden's measurements have gone wonky. In particular, his head now measures at 36 weeks and a couple of days even though he's only 30 weeks and 3 days. His abdomen is large, but still consistent with his growth (i.e. about 2 weeks larger than normal). The lab tech looked and couldn't see any brain abnormalities or cranial fluid build-up, but Dr. Schmitz has referred me to the much larger medical facility in Rotterdam for an extensive ultrasound/prenatal diagnostic. I'll go in on Thursday morning.<br /><br />Trying not to worry, as everything else seems okay ....mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-56607644199377274582007-10-21T22:29:00.001+02:002007-10-21T22:48:08.805+02:00doctors and therapists and pills, oh my!I haven't been updating quite as regularly because I don't want to come across sounding like I'm complaining. Still and all, I suppose an update is warranted, simply to avoid forgetting stuff later. (Something I am very good at!)<br /><br />My last checkup with the GYN was the 15th. Dr. Schmitz was back from her holiday and I had my mental list of questions and concerns for her. The glucose screening was, as I knew, fine. The other bloodwork was also satisfactory (iron was low, but always is). The urine testing turned up an intestinal bacterial infection that required treatment by antibiotics (amoclan, 125 mg 3xdaily). I'd lost the kilo that I'd gained at the last appointment. The ultrasound tech was out, so no measurements this week, but we did check him with the scan to ensure his heartrate seemed fine. As for the excess of amniotic fluid, she stressed that it is an excess of measurements, not a clinical excess. In her opinion, it's not likely to trigger a premature labor, which was my great concern. Of course, her opinion ... well, her opinion doesn't exactly reassure me, but I can't second guess everything all the time. Blood pressure was somewhere right around normal (120/80) which is slightly higher than it has been, but the assistant took it while Dr. Schmitz was talking to me, and it seems like that causes my BP to increase. Go figure. LOL! <br /><br />The antibiotics really caused me some concern, because I was taking antiobiotics when we lost the baby last year. Dr. Schmitz reassured me repeatedly that these were safe to take during pregnancy, and the pharmacist said the same when I grilled her on any possible side effects. The killing off of all those nasty bacteria, however, did spark a most unpleasant yeast infection. Yay. Do you think I could find "live" yogurt anywhere? Naturally not. Did some online reading for other at-home treatments, as I know from past experience that the Monostat-variety medications do not agree with my system. I will spare you the details other than to say I've discovered yet another use for garlic. ;)<br /><br />I've also been to an amazing haptonoom who put me through some extraordinary breathing exercises that benefitted my asthma problems as well. Unfortunately, I have to be laying down to do them. But he also showed me a way to sit that really takes the strain off that muscle - what a lifesaver! It's obvious, though, that I will have to continue to cut back on what I can reasonably tackle as the pregnancy continues. There's just no way around it. Thankfully, I have wonderful kids who are capable of cutting me some slack and I have an incredible husband who is supportive at every turn. <br /><br />The upcoming week is not only a school vacation for the kids, but also filled with various appointments. I'll see my regular PT for the pelvic issues. That's well under control, thankfully, but the bi-weekly pain massage (LOL!) really helps keep it under control and I don't want to give that up. I'll also be seeing my "regular" haptonoom, who saw us through Nicky and Rowen's pregnancies. She's a remarkable person and I am really looking forward to seeing her. I'll also be going in for a half-day of work at the office and putting in about a half-day from home. Yay for paychecks! <br /><br />I've also had my first meeting with a grief counsellor, who actually seems to know what's what. I've ordered a REBT workbook from Amazon.com that will hopefully arrive by the end of the week, giving me about 2 weeks to "study" for our next appointment. Niek and I have talked about the need to make the final arrangements for the twin we lost, a talk we've both been avoiding. <br /><br />And so things continue slowly heading in the right direction.mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-15061624541579515022007-10-05T20:17:00.000+02:002007-10-05T20:28:08.993+02:002nd round of glucose screeningToday marks the amazing 27 week milestone. Okay, it's not really a milestone, but in 'just' 10 weeks, Arden could be born and not be premature. Yes, I'm grasping for milestones wherever I can and it is a little pathetic. I was telling Niek last night that I feel guilty that I can't just relax and enjoy this pregnancy - that maybe I'm not a good enough mom - but I keep worrying about the spectre of premature birth ... and of the worse things that yet could happen. I do grab my bits of joy when they come along, though! Today's glucose testing went great and I show no signs of diabetes. My values were 5.4 at 9 am, 5.1 at noon (hadn't eaten yet), and 5.8 at 2 pm (had a vegetable & boiled egg sandwich at 1 pm). <br /><br />To deal with the torn abdominal muscle, I've been wearing these very snug 'body bag' undergarments that my mom sent me. Arden hates them because he doesn't have all the room in the world to bounce around in, but they really do a wonder for supporting that muscle. (The soonest I've been able to get an appointment with a PT is October 18th. <em>Anyone with a teenager who isn't sure of a future career - physical therapy!!!</em>) I give Arden a break about every 3rd day by wearing normal underwear (if you can call the tents that are maternity undergarments 'normal'!). He reacts like a VERY large Mexican jumping bean on these days. LOL. It hurts, but it's well worth it when I imagine his joy at having unrestricted movement. <br /><br />Yesterday, my belly 'dropped' - I suddenly have nearly a full hand's width of room between my belly and breasts. He's not dropped into my pelvic girdle yet, but I would rather he wasn't riding so low. Not only am I forced to walk like an overweight duck, but it makes me worry about him coming prematurely. I know, I worry too much.... <br /><br />On the bright side, he remains active and is obviously growing very well and my health also remains good. So, quiet happy cheers from here in Gouda. :)mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-66783272539427749662007-10-01T17:04:00.000+02:002007-10-01T17:14:39.683+02:0026 weeks and 3 days - wow!Today was our biweekly ultrasound and checkup for Arden, and I'm relieved to share that everything went well. The ultrasound measurements continue to be between 2 wks/2dys and 2 wks/4 dys "bigger" than normal for his age, but this seems to be his normal growth pattern - he's not deviated it from it since we started doing the measurements. Our big little boy. :)<br /><br />My BP and protein levels were fine, but the doctor I had today (my regular GYN has a week off) wanted to test my urine because it's been cloudy - frankly, I was relieved - and also wrote up the paperwork for my iron levels and a few other things to be tested. It's also time to have the glucose tests run again. For the test here, I don't drink anything special but simply go in every 3 hours for a finger prick to see if my levels are too high/too low/fluctuating. And that horrible pain I've had under my ribcage is not a figment of my imagination or the woes of being an older mom - it's a torn abdominal muscle which may or may not be infected. Sadly, there's not much that can be done about it till post-pregnancy, and the poor stretched out thing is going to have to stretch a bit more .... I'm trying to reach one of the PTs who is very good with this sort of thing, but she's been unavailable. I'll keep trying. Till then, 'easy does it' will have to be my motto. <br /><br />It was wonderful to see Arden again, and to be reassured that he's doing as well as he is. By the time the two weeks are nearing an end, I always begin to get nervous about something going wrong. When I was talking to my mom today, I realized with a shock that we'll only have around 6 more appointments before the Grand Arrival!mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-34595829987001083562007-09-17T21:03:00.000+02:002007-09-17T21:15:46.313+02:00IJsselland checkup with Jim and GabyToday's ultrasound, measurements, and checkup were made extra special by the presence of Jim and Gaby. :) They're the first grandparents to "see" their newest grandson, and the experience was <strong>wonderful </strong>for all involved. <br /><br />Arden continues to grow at a rather remarkable rate, but his growth is consistent with the biweekly measurements we've been taking, so the doctor isn't worried (but is keeping an eye on it). The manual exam, where the baby is palpated and measured externally, places Arden at 27 weeks. The ultrasound measurements place him at 26 weeks. He is currently 24 weeks and 3 days. My protein levels are fine and I'm not showing any signs of gestational diabetes, so at this point Dr. Schmitz says it would appear that we simply have a big, healthy baby. ;) However, I'll go back in for the glucose test in 4 weeks, just to be safe.<br /><br />Jim and Gaby were totally amazed by the clarity of the ultrasound. Arden obligingly showed them all his tricks, even waving at us. It was a fabulous experience, and we all felt a little breathless and awed when we came out. <br /><br />Later this afternoon, I also went to the physical therapist and she was surprised at how much progress has already been made in my pelvic (re)alignment. I'll go back next week, and then we'll probably cut back to biweekly visits. Yay!mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-58424532035610259782007-09-10T11:27:00.000+02:002007-09-10T11:41:17.030+02:00creak, groan, crackToday was my first appointment with the physical therapist to begin treating my pelvic instability and back pain - which do indeed turn out to be two manifestations of the same problem. We'll skip the coughing fit I had when I choked on my chewing gum - I was a little nervous about finding the place in the rain in an unfamiliar town. Turns out the therapist is the same woman I had for pregnancy gym when I was pregnant with Nicky and Rowen, and that she had a strange twin experience herself during her last pregnancy. She kept insisting that she felt like she was carrying twins, but the midwife said there was only one baby ... then when her son was born, she delivered two placentas, indicating there had been a twin who didn't survive the first trimester. Her experience made her a lot easier to talk to, and for the first time in ages, I didn't feel the need to be on my guard with someone. <br /><br />The first thing she had to check was how limited my mobility has become. I'm not immobilized, but I'm in a moderate amount of pain all the time and my range of motion is pretty confined. So she started with a massage which I thought was going to have me in tears it hurt so badly. After that, we tried the mobility thing again, and there was definate improvement. She showed me three very simple exercises I need to work on this week and lent me a pelvic band to wear during my 'busy hours' each day, when I put myself out more. I'll wear it today during the late afternoon while I chase around after Nicky and Rowen. ;) She was glad I came in now, rather than waiting, and said there's a good likelihood we'll get it under control before the birth and that I'll be able to rely on simple maintenance exercises after the birth rather than requiring long-term therapy. It was interesting to get into and out of the car after the appointment without wincing ... ;) <br /><br />Thank you all very much for your support after my last post. I'm still <strong>really </strong>freaked out about encountering people (I couldn't even pick Rowen up from daycare on Friday for fear of the people), and unfortunately I take out my frustration/fear on the wrong people (like my poor Mom who called on Saturday, when I was still feeling very rattled). It's largely the language - I am made practically mute in Dutch when I get upset; when I'm speaking English I can let it all 'hang out' which is not always fair to the person on the receiving end. Niek and I tried to work out a stock reply (in Dutch) to use if the situation recurs, but I know my mind will just go blank again. So I'm hiding out a bit more than normal these days.mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-13285313093140634972007-09-07T16:08:00.000+02:002007-09-07T16:20:52.897+02:00things not to sayI almost escaped the first week of school without incident. Then today happened. First, the douala we'd originally contacted called - she had not received my email and was full of questions. When I managed to tell her that we'd lost one of the twins, she persisted (both on the phone and in an email) in asking questions about the deceased twin and how that was being handled. I decided to ignore her. Then at school, Nicky's teacher asked me if I were pregnant and if it was twins, which she'd heard a 'rumor' about. I quietly explained that it was twins but one had died unexpectedly. Morbidly, she persisted in questioning me about the one we'd lost, making faces when I verified that the baby was still in my womb and going on about how 'gross' that was. I finally told her that for me it was simply very, very sad and I walked away while she was still talking. After this, I feel like crawling off into a hole somewhere. The quiet day alone, which I'd been looking forward to as a chance to rest and relax, turned into a nightmare. It is unpleasant to think of the twin we lost remaining in my womb - when we first found out about the loss, the thought drove me to distraction, in all honesty. But it's far & away the safest solution for Arden - and we are not going to do <strong>anything </strong>at all to jeopardize his chances. What on earth would make people who only know me in passing think it's (a) okay to ask about something so intensely personal, and (b) make negative, even derogatory, remarks about it? I feel like every unthinking comment I've ever made (and trust me, I've never made any that even <em>approach </em>this) is coming back to torture me.mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-72688262575680192632007-09-04T13:41:00.000+02:002007-09-04T13:52:03.324+02:004 September - measurements & more at IJssellandLast week, while we were in Belgium, Arden's movements began becoming much stronger and we were able to clearly feel him every day. That was the high point of the holiday for me! He actually wakes me up in the early hours, somewhere between 4 and 6 am, nearly every day for awhile. Never thought I'd be so happy to be awoken before dawn! LOL! <br /><br />So when we went in for today's appointment, we were reasonably certain things would go well. Still, there's always that element of fear ... and the ultrasound machine in the doctor's office wasn't working properly, so when she first put the sensor on my belly, we couldn't see a heartbeat. I could feel him moving, and just concentrated on that, trying to ignore the monitor. Dr. Schmitz quickly arranged for us to go to the special ultrasound room, where they have a very state-of-the-art new machine, for the measurements, and concentrated on getting my information down on the chart. No weight gain at all for me - hooray! After the last two appointments, it looked like I'd soon need my own zip code. The glucose levels were as close to perfect as possible, so no worries about gestational diabetes at this time. Phew! My blood pressure was nice & low, as it should be. Basically, a green light for health. <br /><br />After a remarkably short wait for the ultrasound room, we were treated to a nice long, leisurely look at Arden while he showed us his new tricks. :D The technician was also eager to show off all that the new machine could do, so after all the measurements had been taken (and he measures out about a week ahead of time, i.e. 23 1/2 weeks instead of 22 1/2 - Yay!), we were treated to a 3D scan. WOW! Not only 3D still shots, which we'd seen before, but real-time 3D movements. It was incredible! I'm still sort of goosebump-y from it. It's like a God's-eye-view of life, seeing a baby in the womb like that. It appear that, at least in shape, Arden is going to take after his big brother Nicky quite a lot. Of course we have no idea if he'll inherit the lovely Dutch coloring from his father or my darker hair & eyes, but he certainly has Nicky's overall shape so far. Handsome baby!! :Dmainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-36123997265743335682007-08-22T11:28:00.001+02:002007-08-22T11:37:49.559+02:00getting strongerArden's movements are definately - or at least, IMHO - getting stronger. Last night, Niek woke him up and was 'playing' with him (sort of stroking his back) and all at once, Arden gave such a mighty thrash that I jumped half out of bed from the shock of it! He bumped and banged around for a bit, apparently not best pleased about being woken from his sleep. LOL! That's my kid! :D It ended a rough day on a happy note. Yesterday, for whatever reasons, was not a good day. I snapped at the kids and just felt all out-of-sorts all day long. <br /><br />I've been faking calmness by stitching Christmas stuff. I don't know who I'm stiching for or what I'll pick up next, but for some weird reason, as long as I'm stitching Christmas projects, I feel calmer. I spent quite some time yesterday puzzling this over and came up with the hypothesis that as long as I'm stitching my way toward Christmas, I seem to believe that I can keep everything safe and controllable and that when I stop, the holidays will be here - and so will Arden, safe and sound. Motherhood is so illogical. ;) <br /><br />Foolish or not, I'll keep doing it. Anything that lends me a bit of calmness has simply got to be okay. <br /><br />Tomorrow is the big blood test/monitoring day. Six-plus hours, and probably all of it spent at the hospital (because it's next to impossible to get a parking space there). I can just see me with my bottle of disinfectant handcream ... I have such a thing about hospitals! It'll be a true test ... of what, I'm not sure. I've sort of resigned myself to having diabetes - it seems the only explanation for my weight gain/bloating/nausea. Niek is slightly freaked out over the concept of insulin shots, but I'm pretty sure I can handle it. Heck, if it brings Arden out safely, I think I can handle just about anything. Even a full day hanging out at the hospital with sick people.mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5213134676062918152.post-3882804117578073512007-08-20T19:53:00.000+02:002007-08-20T20:07:59.933+02:00scheduled appointment: 20 August/SchmitzToday was our first regularly scheduled appointment with Dr. Schmitz after our discussion of how to proceed. She was really open and warm, and I greatly appreciated her efforts to put us at ease. We took the kids with us - it seemed safe, as we'd felt Arden moving regularly all weekend, and I do want them to bond with him. <br /><br />Arden looks fine - we got another darling view of his face, with his little fisted hands partially blocking the view (as if saying, "Can't you see I'm trying sleep?!") and he's such a lovely looking baby. My proteins and blood pressure were also fine, but my fluid retention has gone haywire. In six days, I've gained 2 kilos (or approximately 5 pounds) and it's all 'bloat'. I've had to move my wedding band to my other hand, and even so it's cutting in painfully (usually it's loose). To be on the safe side, the doctor has ordered my glucose screening for <a href="http://www.diabetes.org/gestational-diabetes.jsp">gestational diabetes </a>to be done a few weeks early, so I'll go in on Thursday for that. This is a new one for me - I need to have blood drawn every 2 hours for a six-hour period. Niek's going to stay home with the kids. <em>Phew</em>! Later today, doing housework, I also had some discomfort from that old foe, <a href="http://www.pelvicinstability.org.au/about_pelvic_instability.htm">pelvic instability</a>. I was seriously out of commission for awhile after Max was born due to it, and managed to avoid it during Nicky and Rowen's pregnancies ... but it's reared it's ugly head again. I'll schedule some appointments with the physical therapist once the kids are back in school and stop it before it gets too much of a start. <br /><br />We are going to go ahead with our booked holiday - a week in Belgium - after discussing it at length. That means my next scheduled appointment won't be until September 4th, but I can go in before that if there are any worries or problems. I'm honestly pretty nervous about going away, but I also believe that the kids need some 'normal' family time together with us. Everything has revolved around the pregnancy for the past weeks now, and I can see signs that the kids need some downtime. We'll only be a couple of hours away, and of course there are hospitals in Belgium, too. ;) I can't shake a feeling of nervousness, but I'll do my best to make sure it doesn't interfere with the kids having a good time. <br /><br />Last Friday we went in for an unscheduled appointment and had Dr. Wang, who I really liked. He's signed me up for grief counseling and hopefully the consellor will contact me this week and we can schedule an appointment for the week after.mainely stitchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05915498269348257624noreply@blogger.com9